tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2717575937435064970.post2845090020979458658..comments2023-09-23T11:35:41.025-04:00Comments on Silver Linings on cloudy days: Honest self-appraisalsChandreyeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04630831559826829910noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2717575937435064970.post-41392971386719317652010-04-15T09:04:44.012-04:002010-04-15T09:04:44.012-04:00Thanks for your input on this Anu, you should know...Thanks for your input on this Anu, you should know. I'm not aware of the current status but agree about the necessity for post-adoption processes. <br />I also agree that the 'bed of roses' expectation from parenting is unreal and sets you up for diappointment but worry that the opposite is also true...that the emotional processes involved in adoption get oversimplifed sometimes. Its easy for outsiders to think that adoptive parents opt into their parenthood and thus should be able to roll with every punch WITHOUT making allowances for abilities. I've heard it argued that if your biological child had issues, you woud'nt abandon it and it's the same thing with an adopted child. It's this kind of thinking that I think is facile. The logic of it is undeniable and certainly, if you opted to adopt a behaviourally challneged child, you are olbigated to do so irrespective of how hard it might seem. My point is about people who have decided that they are NOT up to the task and specifically chosen not to adopt a disturbed child. I don't think anyone should judge them for balking at landing the exact challenge they decided they could not face. Again, I find it hard to condone that these people returned the child to Russia (I still think they might have arranged something else) but I don't think they're selfish, unfeeling people for feeling unable to parent the child. I'm saddedned that so many people like to stick to normative 'it should be this way' thinking and bungle up lives in their irghteousness instead of admitting to their fallibity and knowing when to seek help. Of course in the end it's the kid who's suffered and deserves any sympathy so thats the saddest part of all.Chandreyeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04630831559826829910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2717575937435064970.post-31411577602131221792010-04-14T22:55:46.679-04:002010-04-14T22:55:46.679-04:00As potential adoptive parents, I am on multiple fo...As potential adoptive parents, I am on multiple forums that have been discussing this issue. I think with all the preparation that we have to do with the adoption, we 'know' (cognitively) that the kid we get may have difficulties - with many things, including attachment. But, there is the difference between knowing something cognitively and emotionally dealing with it as it happens. I think the expectation that parenting will be a bed of roses and perfect in every way needs to be reduced - not that we need to start complaining, but be more realistic. Also, more services for difficulties with attachmment/personality *after* the adoption may help with these situations. But, an honest self-appraisal is good for every major life decision (changing career, moving etc) including and especially child-bearing/rearing.Anuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12063878984525104529noreply@blogger.com